The Hardest Thing
by SeraphJewel
Summary: Written at about two o'clock in the morning, this is a first-person look into the mind of Michael Lee as the STNJ begins to crumble around him. One-shot.


Disclamer: Just so I won't be accused of owning Witch Hunter Robin… which I don't.

**The Hardest Thing**

I sit at my desk, my fingers frantically dancing over the keys. My foolish fingers think that their dance is only so long. But they've been going over the same steps for... I can't remember how long. Years, that much is for certain. Same desk, same chair, same keyboard, same sterile prison. I don't notice it anymore, and that's the really sad part. I've gotten so used to this sameness that it becomes my world. There are times when I almost forget what the world outside my prison is like.

It's quiet here now. It usually is when I'm the only one here. The clattering of the keys keeps me company, but its clamor can't match a human voice. I'm thinking of Robin again, of the last time I saw her before she and Amon disappeared. I know she's okay from what Miss Dojima and Miss Karasuma told me, but hearing about it and seeing for yourself are two different things. I wish I could just _look_ at her. And to have another one of those late nights with her sharing a box of doughnuts.... But I guess it's no good for me to be wishing for something that will never happen.

While my fingers work, my mind works too. Things are starting to get worse. Ever since the attack on the STNJ, things just haven't been the same. Now I hear about the Factory attacking Haruto and Miss Karasuma is missing. Things are much worse than they've ever been. Not even the incident before Robin came is close to this disaster. _Robin._ My fingers pause thoughtfully. What the Chief had said is coming back to me. Protect the STNJ or follow our administrator.... do I even have a choice in the matter? _Robin. Robin.... _

I stand up, pushing my chair away from my desk. Robin's desk is across from mine and I stand before it as if hoping for instructions. Robin has gone through so much since coming to Japan, and yet she somehow remains strong through it all. Even Miss Dojima, the laziest Hunter we have, has gathered the strength to do her part. If I choose to stay here, I would be deserting my friends. I would be nothing more than a coward. But if I choose the other route and oppose the administrator... what then?

Considering the matter, there really is no other choice. I know what I have to do. But as with many things, it seems simple enough, while in reality it is perhaps one of the hardest things I've done.

It's an easy enough thing to walk across the floor. I've done the same thing hundreds of times. Stepping inside the elevator, I have an uneasy feeling stirring in the pit of my stomach. It's just fear; I don't know what might happen. I push a button on the elevator and feel it begin to slowly descend. My feeling is dropping along with the elevator. I feel that I might be sick. Down and down-- I don't remember the elevator taking this long-- and I'm starting to tremble.

Definitely fear, but not fear of getting caught.

The elevator thankfully stops, and I get off, feeling strangely dizzy. I lean against the wall to steady myself. The well where I would speak to Robin is nearby and that calms me down a little. It's been such a long time... Day after day, all I've known are these four walls. Just trying to imagine all the open space waiting for me is too much. It's no longer a question of if I should be doing this; the question now is _can_ I do this? It's been such a very long time-- oh, god, I can't breathe.

This place is all I have known for years. It's become my home. It may be a cage, but cages keep out danger. This is what I know, this is comfortable to me. I don't have to pay for anything and my skills are _needed_. Who knows what's out there? Here things are predictable, but out there is a constant sense of uncertainty. My feet move back to the elevator, where the cage is ready to close in around me again.

But my eye catches the well, and I stop. I can almost see Robin standing there, her voice scolding me for what I have almost done. _Michael, would you rather be safe or free? The STNJ building may keep you from the dangers of the outside world, but it also keeps you from the joys. Besides, your friends need you. You can be strong too, Michael._ I know that she would want my help. Anyway, headquarters has turned on STNJ and it's no longer as safe as it used to be. Taking a deep breath, I begin to walk. Whatever may come, I have to face it. I can be strong too.

Or so I think.

There's still the final obstacle to conquer. One would think that the final step is the easiest, but that is far from the truth. Beyond the final threshold, there are no walls or ceilings. It's all just empty air. None of the things I know will be waiting for me. The building has been my whole world for so long that it's hard to believe there's anything beyond it. But there is: Robin is somewhere in that vast empty space, and so are the others. I have to go to them. I've come so far and I won't let myself back down now.

But it's so big and I'm so small. I'm so, so small.

No. Think of Robin. She's out there somewhere. Just beyond this threshold. It's one simple step. She's out there, and she needs me. They all need me. I can do this; I _will_ do this.

One foot moves, and then the other. I walk out of the STNJ building, and that's only the beginning.


End file.
